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Jack Bauer
Jul. 22nd, 2006 | 09:50 pm
Some of these might be the same as Chuck Noris's list. And Jack Bauer is the guy on 24. sut so everyone knows.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Seriously.
Jack Bauer would laugh in the face of danger, but Jack Bauer doesn't laugh.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
If Jack was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice, then kill both dictators with his bare hands.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
God created the universe in 6 days. That�s 5 days 23 hours and 59 minutes longer than it took Jack Bauer to create God.
Jack Bauer once shot a terrorist plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer then killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Jack Bauer taught Jesus how to die and then come back to life.
Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.
Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.
Jack found Waldo in one hour. The only reason he didn't find him sooner was because of daylight savings time.
Jack Bauer knows where Carmen San Diego is.
Jack Bauer does not miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer does not need eyes, he can smell a terrorist 15 miles away, and can hear the fear in their heads from 2 miles away.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're screwed.
When a Jedi senses a great disturbance in the Force, it is Jack Bauer.
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
If Jack Bauer asks for your car, give it to him. And your wife.
When asked at a restaurant how he likes his steak, Jack Bauer replies, "Just knock off the horns and wipe its ass."
Jack Bauer's gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack motherfucking Bauer.
If you break one of Jack Bauer's ribs, he'll just use it to stab you to death.
After torturing Copernicus, Jack Bauer got him to admit that the solar system revolved not around the Sun, but around his gigantic balls.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When Russell Crowe threw a phone at that guy, Jack Bauer was on the other side of the line.
Every time the cops get an APB to arrest Jack Bauer, half the department mysteriously calls out sick. The fire department too, just in case.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Jack Bauer can stare directly at the sun.
While being put under in the hospitabl, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time.
Jack Bauer never has to preheat the oven.
If Jack Bauer says "Dammit!" more than once in a 24 hour period, don't be in L.A.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar.
Jack Bauer can do one handed push-ups with no hands.
On his days off from CTU Jack Bauer helps old ladies cross the road. He does this by staring at oncoming cars. On the freeway.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
If Jack Bauer were to be elected President of the United States, Iraq would be a democratic nation.
One of the best kept secrets of 24 is that every season of 24 happens on the summer solstice. That is why Jack always says, "Today is the longest day of my life."
Let's get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
Jack Bauer once killed a coworker who had skin cancer. Jack Bauer hates moles.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
Jack Bauer types in ALL CAPS just so you know he's yelling.
In high school, Jack Bauer got a job working as a department store Santa. He was fired after he tortured a child to tell him her Christmas list.
Jack Bauer flosses with barb wire.
Jack is sorry for your loss, but he needs you to focus on the primary objective right now.
Losing a colleague or loved one for Jack Bauer is comparable to the feeling of missing the elevator for most people.
A minister, a priest, and a rabbi walked into a bar. The minister was a terrorist and was immediately shot by Jack Bauer.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you'd better do it.
Jack Bauer yells at his cell phone to recharge it.
Jack Bauer is never caught in traffic. That is because other vehicles fear Jack Bauer and stay out of his way.
Jack Bauer loves reality TV. That's why he allows FOX to follow him around.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer always gets checkmate in one move.
Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.
Every guy that dates Jack's daughter loses a limb. Coincidence? I think not.
Jack Bauer knows what you did last summer.
Fox executives once tried to cancel 24.... but Kiefer Sutherland asked " Are you a mole?" and it was never tried again.
When the doctor who delivered Jack Bauer saw that baby Jack wasn't crying, he spanked him. Baby Jack then turned around and broke the doctor's neck. Jack Bauer does not enjoy being spanked.
Jack Bauer once mistook a box of bullets for Cheerios in his cereal. He didn't even notice.
Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
'Flank 2' actually means, "Stand down CTU, I've got this under control."
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer doesn't lose weight, weight loses Jack Bauer.
There once was a man from Nantucket. Jack Bauer shot him.
Jack Bauer actually finishes every mission in under five minutes. The 24 hours is just creative editing.
God rested on the 7th day. Jack Bauer will be spending his 7th day working his usual triple shift without sleep. Lazy God.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
The ancient Chinese built the Great Wall of China not to repel the Mongols, but rather to repel Jack Bauer. It failed when he attacked over the Himalayas.
When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately.
Before heroin, Jack Bauer tried becoming addicted to speed... but it only slowed him down.
Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
In grade school, a little boy punched Kim, and she ran home to tell her dad. That little boy's name? Stephen Hawking.
Jack Bauer is the only man thus far to make Elisha Cuthbert call him daddy.
You're either with Jack Bauer or against him. If you're against Jack Bauer, you're either dead or will be soon.
When Jack Bauer gets within ten miles of you, you automatically start sweating.
If Jack Bauer asks you to trust him you are compelled by your DNA to do what he says.
When terrorists go to hell, if they say Jack Bauer sent them, they'll get a group discount.
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
In God we trust, but God trusts Jack Bauer.
Reading facts about Jack Bauer is more additive than heroin.
Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Jack Bauer.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer does.
Jack Bauer ordered Batman to name his sidekick Robin as a joke.
Jack Bauer was once allergic to the animal known as the Dodo Bird. Long story short, the Dodo bird is now extinct.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
When God said, "Let there be light," it was so Jack Bauer could see who he was going to shoot.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer has never pressed the Play button on his answering machine. Upon hearing beeps, he tortures the device until it gives up the messages.
When Jack Bauer goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
To sleep, Jack tortures himself to death, then wakes up fifteen minutes later.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
If Jack Bauer was on Oceanic Flight 815, he'd have been off the Island with 23 hours & 59 minutes to spare.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Those guys on Prison Break should give up, Jack Bauer will only hunt them down next season.
Oil and water don't mix, unless Jack Bauer tells them to.
When Jack Bauer takes a dump he doesn't have to flush because his crap is so scared of him it goes straight to the drain by itself.
Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Little did he know fear itself fears Jack Bauer.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Jack Bauer has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer's cell phone ring is not set to 'vibrate' on purpose. Letting the terrorists know where he is hiding is all part of his bigger plan.
Instead of buzzing, Jack Bauer's alarm clock screams out "THERE'S NO MORE TIME!"
Jack was going to cut Chase's hand off anyway. The bomb just gave him an excuse.
You will tell Jack Bauer what he wants to know. It's just a matter of how much you want it to hurt.
Jack Bauer has never taken a dump that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these dumps, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
Jack Bauer named his cat Chuck Norris. Why? Because he's a pussy.
Jack Bauer does not care for names. Every entry in his address book is simply labeled "Son of a Bitch."
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Seriously.
Jack Bauer would laugh in the face of danger, but Jack Bauer doesn't laugh.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
If Jack was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice, then kill both dictators with his bare hands.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
God created the universe in 6 days. That�s 5 days 23 hours and 59 minutes longer than it took Jack Bauer to create God.
Jack Bauer once shot a terrorist plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer then killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Jack Bauer taught Jesus how to die and then come back to life.
Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.
Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.
Jack found Waldo in one hour. The only reason he didn't find him sooner was because of daylight savings time.
Jack Bauer knows where Carmen San Diego is.
Jack Bauer does not miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer does not need eyes, he can smell a terrorist 15 miles away, and can hear the fear in their heads from 2 miles away.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're screwed.
When a Jedi senses a great disturbance in the Force, it is Jack Bauer.
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
If Jack Bauer asks for your car, give it to him. And your wife.
When asked at a restaurant how he likes his steak, Jack Bauer replies, "Just knock off the horns and wipe its ass."
Jack Bauer's gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack motherfucking Bauer.
If you break one of Jack Bauer's ribs, he'll just use it to stab you to death.
After torturing Copernicus, Jack Bauer got him to admit that the solar system revolved not around the Sun, but around his gigantic balls.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When Russell Crowe threw a phone at that guy, Jack Bauer was on the other side of the line.
Every time the cops get an APB to arrest Jack Bauer, half the department mysteriously calls out sick. The fire department too, just in case.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Jack Bauer can stare directly at the sun.
While being put under in the hospitabl, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time.
Jack Bauer never has to preheat the oven.
If Jack Bauer says "Dammit!" more than once in a 24 hour period, don't be in L.A.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar.
Jack Bauer can do one handed push-ups with no hands.
On his days off from CTU Jack Bauer helps old ladies cross the road. He does this by staring at oncoming cars. On the freeway.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
If Jack Bauer were to be elected President of the United States, Iraq would be a democratic nation.
One of the best kept secrets of 24 is that every season of 24 happens on the summer solstice. That is why Jack always says, "Today is the longest day of my life."
Let's get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
Jack Bauer once killed a coworker who had skin cancer. Jack Bauer hates moles.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
Jack Bauer types in ALL CAPS just so you know he's yelling.
In high school, Jack Bauer got a job working as a department store Santa. He was fired after he tortured a child to tell him her Christmas list.
Jack Bauer flosses with barb wire.
Jack is sorry for your loss, but he needs you to focus on the primary objective right now.
Losing a colleague or loved one for Jack Bauer is comparable to the feeling of missing the elevator for most people.
A minister, a priest, and a rabbi walked into a bar. The minister was a terrorist and was immediately shot by Jack Bauer.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you'd better do it.
Jack Bauer yells at his cell phone to recharge it.
Jack Bauer is never caught in traffic. That is because other vehicles fear Jack Bauer and stay out of his way.
Jack Bauer loves reality TV. That's why he allows FOX to follow him around.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer always gets checkmate in one move.
Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.
Every guy that dates Jack's daughter loses a limb. Coincidence? I think not.
Jack Bauer knows what you did last summer.
Fox executives once tried to cancel 24.... but Kiefer Sutherland asked " Are you a mole?" and it was never tried again.
When the doctor who delivered Jack Bauer saw that baby Jack wasn't crying, he spanked him. Baby Jack then turned around and broke the doctor's neck. Jack Bauer does not enjoy being spanked.
Jack Bauer once mistook a box of bullets for Cheerios in his cereal. He didn't even notice.
Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
'Flank 2' actually means, "Stand down CTU, I've got this under control."
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer doesn't lose weight, weight loses Jack Bauer.
There once was a man from Nantucket. Jack Bauer shot him.
Jack Bauer actually finishes every mission in under five minutes. The 24 hours is just creative editing.
God rested on the 7th day. Jack Bauer will be spending his 7th day working his usual triple shift without sleep. Lazy God.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
The ancient Chinese built the Great Wall of China not to repel the Mongols, but rather to repel Jack Bauer. It failed when he attacked over the Himalayas.
When Jack Bauer watches a pot, it boils immediately.
Before heroin, Jack Bauer tried becoming addicted to speed... but it only slowed him down.
Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
In grade school, a little boy punched Kim, and she ran home to tell her dad. That little boy's name? Stephen Hawking.
Jack Bauer is the only man thus far to make Elisha Cuthbert call him daddy.
You're either with Jack Bauer or against him. If you're against Jack Bauer, you're either dead or will be soon.
When Jack Bauer gets within ten miles of you, you automatically start sweating.
If Jack Bauer asks you to trust him you are compelled by your DNA to do what he says.
When terrorists go to hell, if they say Jack Bauer sent them, they'll get a group discount.
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
In God we trust, but God trusts Jack Bauer.
Reading facts about Jack Bauer is more additive than heroin.
Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Jack Bauer.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer does.
Jack Bauer ordered Batman to name his sidekick Robin as a joke.
Jack Bauer was once allergic to the animal known as the Dodo Bird. Long story short, the Dodo bird is now extinct.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
When God said, "Let there be light," it was so Jack Bauer could see who he was going to shoot.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer has never pressed the Play button on his answering machine. Upon hearing beeps, he tortures the device until it gives up the messages.
When Jack Bauer goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
To sleep, Jack tortures himself to death, then wakes up fifteen minutes later.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
If Jack Bauer was on Oceanic Flight 815, he'd have been off the Island with 23 hours & 59 minutes to spare.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Those guys on Prison Break should give up, Jack Bauer will only hunt them down next season.
Oil and water don't mix, unless Jack Bauer tells them to.
When Jack Bauer takes a dump he doesn't have to flush because his crap is so scared of him it goes straight to the drain by itself.
Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Little did he know fear itself fears Jack Bauer.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Jack Bauer has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer's cell phone ring is not set to 'vibrate' on purpose. Letting the terrorists know where he is hiding is all part of his bigger plan.
Instead of buzzing, Jack Bauer's alarm clock screams out "THERE'S NO MORE TIME!"
Jack was going to cut Chase's hand off anyway. The bomb just gave him an excuse.
You will tell Jack Bauer what he wants to know. It's just a matter of how much you want it to hurt.
Jack Bauer has never taken a dump that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these dumps, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.
Jack Bauer named his cat Chuck Norris. Why? Because he's a pussy.
Jack Bauer does not care for names. Every entry in his address book is simply labeled "Son of a Bitch."
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Top 100 Facts about Chuck Norris
Feb. 9th, 2006 | 07:11 pm
Some of these are... How should I put this, not for the easily grossed out. Yeah. It's got some sexual content all involving puppets. And by puppets I mean Chuck Noriss. And it is VERY offencive in parts. So be warned.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for
Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is
afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris can hear silence.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs
of life there.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit
from anybody.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't
you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name
cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this
man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away
in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the
1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in
professional football history.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the
courage to tell him.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't
the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as
the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets
the information he wants.
Chuck Norris' penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of
space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorise that the passage of
time is mearly a byproduct of Norris' colossal erections. This is
known as the "Chuck Norris' big cock theory of space-time".
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned
an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for
writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.
The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man.
Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse
kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck
Norris
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never
his own.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7
different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing
for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can
actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the
French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a
roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied,
"That's no glitch."
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him
win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker,
a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and
a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women then most men.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them
there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris
has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood
and tears.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the
bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would
be the less painful way to die.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its
neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good
Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word
is "lucky".
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris
open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and
angrier.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris.
Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry,
the man ate a fucking Indian.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".
A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during
sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris
100% of the time during sex.
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
Most reported Bigfoot sightings are just Chuck Norris with his shirt
off. Loch Ness sightings, on the other hand, are Chuck with his pants
off.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure
more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have
deleted the internet.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit",
I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his
lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
A man was once stranded on the side of the road after his car ran out
of gas. Chuck Norris drove by, got out, and looked the man in the
eye. The man knew that everything would be fine. Then Chuck proceeded
to piss into the man's gas tank and to this very day that man has
never had to fill his gas tank up again. That was 14 years ago.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you
in the face.
Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick
Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized
profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an
autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded
baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but
himself.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but
because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb
on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris does not have to mow his lawn. He simply stares at the
grass and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because using knives to kill people
was just too easy.
Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and
are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God
asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin
replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the
virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that
I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my
achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I
believe... you are sitting in my seat."
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a
spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the
earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a
temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed
it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer
parks.
Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45
to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men
age 0 to 125.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to stop bullets becuase they know better.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died
because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck
Norris tendon.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift
of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other
Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their
combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly
after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris knows a wrong way to eat a Reeses.
On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that
said, "Chuck Norris was here."
Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains
undefeated.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck
could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW
DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her
throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he
bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he
realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone
within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
The Earth doesn't revolve. It's just trying to get away from Chuck
Norris.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he does not push himself up. He
pushes the Earth down.
Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy
boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.
Chuck Norris can draw a square circle.
Anyone can piss on the bathroom floor, but Chuck Norris can shit on
the ceiling.
There are two kinds of people in this world: People who are Chuck
Norris, and people who are going to die.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected
with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of
course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower
the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a
birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the
truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas
If you don't know who your biological father is, it's probably Chuck
Norris.
After taking the first steps on the moon and saying the immortal
words, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind", Neil
Armstrong looked to his right, only to see Chuck Norris there on the
moon, sitting on a lawn chair drinking a beer. "Giant leap, my ass",
Chuck replied.
Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television
when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by
what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to
be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then
shout at them, "Trix are for Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris doesn't need Viagra, he just thinks of Chuck Norris.
The first lunar eclipse took place after Chuck Norris challenged the
sun to a staring contest. Chuck Norris always wins.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for
Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is
afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris can hear silence.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs
of life there.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit
from anybody.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't
you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name
cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this
man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away
in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the
1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in
professional football history.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the
courage to tell him.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't
the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as
the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets
the information he wants.
Chuck Norris' penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of
space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorise that the passage of
time is mearly a byproduct of Norris' colossal erections. This is
known as the "Chuck Norris' big cock theory of space-time".
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned
an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for
writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.
The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man.
Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse
kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck
Norris
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never
his own.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7
different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing
for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can
actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the
French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a
roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied,
"That's no glitch."
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him
win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker,
a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and
a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women then most men.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them
there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris
has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood
and tears.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the
bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would
be the less painful way to die.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its
neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good
Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word
is "lucky".
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris
open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and
angrier.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris.
Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry,
the man ate a fucking Indian.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".
A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during
sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris
100% of the time during sex.
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
Most reported Bigfoot sightings are just Chuck Norris with his shirt
off. Loch Ness sightings, on the other hand, are Chuck with his pants
off.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure
more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have
deleted the internet.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit",
I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his
lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
A man was once stranded on the side of the road after his car ran out
of gas. Chuck Norris drove by, got out, and looked the man in the
eye. The man knew that everything would be fine. Then Chuck proceeded
to piss into the man's gas tank and to this very day that man has
never had to fill his gas tank up again. That was 14 years ago.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you
in the face.
Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick
Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized
profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an
autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded
baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but
himself.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but
because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb
on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris does not have to mow his lawn. He simply stares at the
grass and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because using knives to kill people
was just too easy.
Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and
are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God
asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin
replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the
virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that
I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my
achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I
believe... you are sitting in my seat."
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a
spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the
earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a
temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed
it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer
parks.
Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45
to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men
age 0 to 125.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to stop bullets becuase they know better.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died
because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck
Norris tendon.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift
of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other
Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their
combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly
after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris knows a wrong way to eat a Reeses.
On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that
said, "Chuck Norris was here."
Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains
undefeated.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck
could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW
DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her
throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he
bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he
realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone
within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
The Earth doesn't revolve. It's just trying to get away from Chuck
Norris.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he does not push himself up. He
pushes the Earth down.
Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy
boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.
Chuck Norris can draw a square circle.
Anyone can piss on the bathroom floor, but Chuck Norris can shit on
the ceiling.
There are two kinds of people in this world: People who are Chuck
Norris, and people who are going to die.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected
with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of
course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower
the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a
birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the
truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas
If you don't know who your biological father is, it's probably Chuck
Norris.
After taking the first steps on the moon and saying the immortal
words, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind", Neil
Armstrong looked to his right, only to see Chuck Norris there on the
moon, sitting on a lawn chair drinking a beer. "Giant leap, my ass",
Chuck replied.
Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television
when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by
what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to
be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then
shout at them, "Trix are for Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris doesn't need Viagra, he just thinks of Chuck Norris.
The first lunar eclipse took place after Chuck Norris challenged the
sun to a staring contest. Chuck Norris always wins.
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GRRRRR
Jan. 27th, 2006 | 06:09 pm
PANTHER - Your daemon is one of the big cats -
perhaps a puma, or jaguar, or maybe a
leopard. You are brave, proud, and graceful.
You let nothing stand between you and the
things that you want. You are cool-headed and
you like to be in charge of the situation.
You do not take orders. You work best on your
own, because the incompetance of others just
impedes your ability to get things done. You
are the true king of the jungle.
What Is Your Daemon?
brought to you by Quizilla
GRR BABY! GRR!!!
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:o
Jan. 25th, 2006 | 05:11 pm
I love this picture
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Jay got this stuck in my head
Jan. 15th, 2006 | 08:56 pm
Tybalt: What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate that word, as I hate hell, all Monagues, and thee: Have at thee, coward!
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A depressing poem
Jan. 11th, 2006 | 06:13 pm
Tears
The endless stream of tears
They overflow my cup
I tell myself it will
Be fixed when I wake up
But when the morning comes
The only thing I find
My troubles are not gone
They're trapped inside my mind
And slowly I look down
The knife inside my heart
You plunged it in so deep
And then your twisting starts
But then your knife comes out
Among your laughs and jeers
But instead of bleeding blood
I bleed out all my tears
By: Walker
The endless stream of tears
They overflow my cup
I tell myself it will
Be fixed when I wake up
But when the morning comes
The only thing I find
My troubles are not gone
They're trapped inside my mind
And slowly I look down
The knife inside my heart
You plunged it in so deep
And then your twisting starts
But then your knife comes out
Among your laughs and jeers
But instead of bleeding blood
I bleed out all my tears
By: Walker
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Beatles - For No One
Jan. 10th, 2006 | 09:25 pm
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years
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o_o
Jan. 7th, 2006 | 10:59 pm
Cold be heart and hand and bone,
And cold that travles me far from home,
He did not see what lies ahead!
When sun is gone and moon is dead!
And cold that travles me far from home,
He did not see what lies ahead!
When sun is gone and moon is dead!
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Finished story
Dec. 1st, 2005 | 08:38 pm
Tom
Every one, read this story and tell me what you think
TOM
I closed my eyes and listened. Thud. Thud. Foot steps. By the sound of it an 8 year old. Maybe 50 pounds, and around 60 feet away. I kept my eyes closed. 50 feet... 40... 30... 15... five, four, three, two, NOW. I jumped with my claw pointing at a downward angle. It pierced the skin and went through the kidney I landed silently and caught the boy's body before he hit the ground In my bloody hands. His whole body was stiff his eyes wide open staring at me, a look of shock on his face. It looked as if he wanted to scream, but no sound came out. His body finally went limp.
I was born in Tenderloin, San Francisco, one of the most drug-infested neighborhoods in the whole city. From the moment I was born, my mother knew something was wrong. There was no way any one could have called me normal. She didn't like my eating habits much. I enjoyed raw steak more than ice cream. I had red pupils as well. What really gave her a scare was when my white hair started balding 2 weeks after it had come in it finally stopped leaving a strip of hair in the back. All this and she still loved me. I'd always think about how loving she where and tell myself that I'd never forget her. As long as I lived. I had no idea how wrong I was.
I grew up in this place where the air was heavy with smog. Where all you could ever smell was the marijuana smoke. But my mother, drug free herself, brought me up best she could. With out my father who had been shot on his way to the super market two months before I was born, my mother had a hard time bring me up but she tried as hard as she could.
I started walking really early, 2 months in fact, and by age four I could have run a marathon but I still hadn't spoken a word. When I finally did it was at age 7, and it wasn't because I was stupid.
I went through school years with out friends. And it didn't make me sad. I didn't feel sorry for myself. If anything, it hardened me. Pain wasn't a problem, anyone who tried to pick a fight with me would if they where lucky end up with just a few broken bones and I would feel bad after doing this. Emotional pain wasn't problem ether. Some one could walk up to me and scream every insult they knew at me, I wouldn't care. But most of the time, I was left alone by every one but my mother. And that was the way I liked it.
The first kid I ever beat up was a 3rd grader I was a kindergarten. His name was James, and for years to come I would remember him as the first kid I ever beet up. I would think of him and I would cry. The cycle of using physical violence to the extreme amount to solve bully problems started with him. In my mind he was the one who spoke inside my head, telling me not to hurt someone. The second kid who tried to hurt me wasn't so lucky. I did something to his spine and was paralyzed for life in the lower half of his body but even so, I would feel sympathy for James beyond any of the kids I had ever caused pain. James left the school the day he was beet up. He was also the only one to never tell me. This confused me greatly.
I was smart so I graduated and went to collage. One day, in my junior year, we were dissecting pigs. We where divided into 3 groups and each group got a pig. We had to find the heart, the liver and the large intestine by the end of class. We found the large intestine first. Then we found the liver. It wasn't all that great. Just a shapeless bloody hunk of meat. We were going to move on, but a kid named Josh stopped us. "Hey, I'll give 10 bucks to the person who eats some liver!" every one said something like, "Sick!" "That's disgusting!" or, "Hell no!" Every one but me.
I cut off a large chunk with my claw and tossed it in my mouth. My mouth exploded with flavor. It was so good! I had never tasted anything like this. I chewed and swallowed, put more in my mouth, chewed and swallowed.
I finished and looked up. Every one in the class was staring at me. "What are you looking at? You want me to eat your liver to?" They all knew me well enough to know I wasn't joking.
That night I was at my mother’s house helping her decorate for Christmas. She wasn't home yet, and I started craving what I consumed had earlier that day. I wanted more. No I needed more. Just then the dog Benjamin walked in the room.
I felt horrible. My dog's lifeless and mangled body lay at my feet. "He died quickly, he died quickly,” I repeated to myself. A tear trickled down my face. Followed by another, and within a minute I was sobbing. "Tom?" I stopped. "Tom? Is that you?" It was my mother. The knob turned and the door started opening. "Are you OK swe-" She had seen the dog.
Suddenly a feeling was building up inside me. I was angry. No, anger was nowhere near a strong enough word. It was beyond hate. I wanted to kill some one I looked at my mother. No! I couldn't kill her! She had done nothing but love me my whole life! Do it! Another voice inside me said. Just do it! The voices kept talking inside me each time they spoke their voices became more and more the same. Both of them giving me the desire to kill.
Across the street the neighbors heard a scream.
I was running. I didn't know where. I didn't know how long it would take. But I continued. I had destroyed everything had ever held dear. I wanted away. I wanted to die. I had nothing left to live for. I wanted to hide and never let anything see me again. It was too much. I stopped running spied a manhole, crawled down it, curled up in a ball and cried myself to sleep.
Images of my mother's body weaved their way into my dreams. Sometimes she was the mangled corpse lying in the doorway of the living room. Other times, she was the mother full of life. The one that now only lived inside my mind. I saw twisted forms of Benjamin barking at me. They melted away, replaced by my science teacher. "Don't worry," He said, "The liver is the only organ in the body that can regenerate and that's the one you eat!"
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" I shot up. My whole body was shaking and stiff, and I was sweating cold like mad. Breathing heavily I got up. My head was throbbing. I leaned up against the grimy dirt covered wall for support. I stood there for several minutes, catching my breath. There was a feeling at the bottom of my stomach. What was it? Wait. It was hunger. I was hungry. Really really hungry.
I climbed up the latter to the manhole and pushed up hard. A rush of cold air came to meat me. It felt great. I put both hands on ether side of the hole and swung my legs up. I ran towards a telephone poll, stuck my claws into the wood, and began to climb. All of my weight was on my fingers and arms. I reached the top and crouched there. Completely and perfectly balanced.
I closed my eyes and listened. Thud. Thud. Foot steps. By the sound of it an 8 year old. Maybe 50 pounds, and around 60 feet away. I kept my eyes closed. 50 feet... 40... 30... 15... five, four, three, two, NOW. I jumped with my claw pointing at a downward angle. It pierced the skin and went through the kidney I landed silently and caught the boy's body before he hit the ground. His whole body was stiff his eyes wide open staring at me, a look of shock on his face. It looked like he wanted to scream, but no sound came out. His body finally went limp.
I haled it back to the manhole and dropped it to the bottom. I jumped and landed next to it with a splash. I dragged him to the strip of sand where I had slept. I ripped him open and felt around his insides for his liver. My claws raped around it and brought it to my mouth.
I finished and pushed his lifeless form off the sand bar. He rolled in the water and floated away in the water. I stopped. What was I doing? I asked myself. Isn't this the very thing I had sworn to stop? Was this not the very thing that had caused me so much pain? And for the second time in the past 2 days, I cried myself to sleep.
When I woke it was hot and stuffy. I got up and stumbled to the latter. I lifted off the manhole and the boiling sweat that had covered my body turned ice cold. It was so refreshing. I surveyed my surrounding's. It was early morning; the only person in sight was a police officer. I walked up behind him and tapped him one the shoulder. He turned around and the last thing he saw was me looking at him and smiling.
This cycle continued: Me getting up, being hungry, killing someone eating his or her liver and crying myself to sleep. One night after eating I was beginning to cry, when I stopped. Why? Why do I cry? For what porpoise? I had not forgotten what sorrow was. I had merely forgotten why I was sorrowful, and from then on I continued killing and eating, but the crying ceased.
After a year of this different but kind of nice way of living I woke up somewhere around midnight with everything but y head under water. My hands where almost paper white, wrinkly, and extremely swollen from being underneath the sewage so long. I had started moving through the tunnels when the police were swarming in the place where I killed the first five people.
I stood up and made my way to the manhole cover. There was something strange about the air tonight. A smell was in the air. A smell that I hadn't taken in for a long time. That had been locked away in my memory. A smell that I hadn't smelled since Kindergarten.
Not positive what it was I made my way towards its source. I moved silently a block or two and there he was. Dressed in a police uniform. He looked nothing like he used to but it was him all right. It was James. For several seconds I stood there remembering that day so long ago. The day that I had changed my life forever the porch light turned on behind me, and I disappeared with the night.
I wanted to see him again but this time actually talk to him. I wanted to make contact with humans again. I didn't know why but something drew me to him. So I started stalking him. I lived in his shadow. Observing his every step.
I found that he had night shifts every other night. He lived in a small apartment with high ceilings. When he wasn't working he slept and stayed in his apartment. If I ever wanted to talk with him, it would have to be during his night shifts. The shifts started at nine-o-clock and ended at five AM. I didn't know what to expect. I really doubted that he'd be calm. He would probably try to shoot me on the spot, but I needed to try. So underneath the city I drew my plans for what I thought was good. But in reality it was the very thing that would end James like.
A minute passed. Another. My eyes reduced to glowing red slits on my face. Where was he? He was spoussed to be here 20 minutes ago! I was waiting on some ones roof at the cross streets of Jonathan and Smoky hill drive for James to show up. I was about to give up when the glare of his headlights turned the corner six blocks away he was coming down Jonathan Street. My plan was horrible and I knew it probably wouldn't work but there I was.
As he passed, I tipped an empty garbage can off the roof. With a sound like a canon James screeched to a stop. Cautiously He stepped out of his car, making his way towards the source of the sound.
I jumped down silently and made my way around him keeping my distance. When I was directly behind him I backed up to his car and opened the door as quietly as I could. By now James was at the trashcan looking at it and around him, trying to find out what had happened. I got into the passenger seat and with a claw cut the wire, connecting the speaking piece and the radio. Then I slid into the back seat directly behind the driver's trying to look as small as possible. James was making his way back to the car.
He opened the door and stepped in ducking as to not hit his head. He started the car and was beginning to drive when I placed my right hand claws out on his neck.
I leaned forward to the left of his seat "Hello James"
He remained calm, as if this was an every day thing. "Who are you and what do you want."
James drove several miles then turned on to the golden gate bridge going about 20 miles an hour. The speed limit on the bridge was 45 miles per an hour. With a jolt and the hum of thee engine increasing; the car was going 40 miles over the speed limit.
"What the hell are you doing!" I screamed.
"Kill me now and I lose control most likely sending this car off the edge of the bridge. The impact will kill you." James informed me lazily.
"Your crazy!"
A smile spread across his face. "Maybe I am... But by all means kill me!"
"I never wanted to kill you! I just wanted to talk!"
He seemed a little more interested. "Talk about what?"
"I want your forgiveness! It's me! Tom!" His neck turned cold. "I want to tell you every thing. I've been living under ground in the storm drain tunnels and it's been me killing all the people because-" He screamed.
A shrill, loud, and blood curdling scream. He opened the door and began scrambled out. "No! Wait!" I grabbed his arm. Franticly he snatched up the shotgun laying next to the drivers seat and holding it in one hand he fired. He missed me hitting the dash boar and window on the other side. Shards of plastic, mettle, and glass went flying. I let go as the shrapnel stuck into my arm.
As soon as my grip loosened he ran. I closed my eyes and leaned back on the seat. This had been a complete failure.
"AHHHH!" I screamed in frustration. He now knew who I was, where I lived, and that I was the murderer. In only a matter of seconds there would be cops swarming in this area. I got out of the car and made my way back to the manholes. I expected they wouldn't start searching there until morning.
After sleeping for maybe an hour I woke. I could smell James not far away in a car. I crawled up the latter and started pushing the manhole up. It was stuck. I heard James car stop. He was making his way towards this manhole. I pushed harder. He was now hovering over the manhole. I stopped. If I got it lose but didn't push it yet maybe I could kick it hard and knock the gun out of his hand and make a quick kill at his stomach.
I started turning it slowly and when it was finely almost just resting there I got ready to kick it when suddenly there was a crash. I stayed still for a few seconds. Then with all my force rammed my foot into the manhole cover.
It went up maybe 15 feet and landed with a loud crash. I stuck my head out. James lay sprawled in the road. Completely still. Blood was coming from his nose and mouth. His leg was twisted upward in a weird way that it shouldn't have been. Behind him a few yards. An SUV had run into the tree. I walked over to it and glanced in the window. Everyone was dead. I went back to James. He was probably on his way back to the police station to report what he wad seen. Or maybe he had just been there. I would soon find out.
I put James in his car to make it look like a crash. And put in a position to make it look possible. I left James liver alone and left the scene.
Every once and a while I would felt the same anger I had taken out on my mother. The anger that had led me to this life of killing. With this furious hate came terrible things. I would kill my victims in unnecessarily gruesome ways. I would kill them in the slowest and most painful way I could think of. There would be blood. Lots of blood. After these moments, I would feel horrible and stop eating for weeks at a time.
I did not find it inhumane to kill and eat. Did not the human kill cows for food, and they where not called freaks, and killers all over TV and the radio. I was no longer human. No I was something more. I was beyond what any human had ever become. I was now the superior race, and some times yes I did feel sorry for them. But always that pity was pushed aside for hunger. I must eat. Eat. Eat.
-End
Every one, read this story and tell me what you think
TOM
I closed my eyes and listened. Thud. Thud. Foot steps. By the sound of it an 8 year old. Maybe 50 pounds, and around 60 feet away. I kept my eyes closed. 50 feet... 40... 30... 15... five, four, three, two, NOW. I jumped with my claw pointing at a downward angle. It pierced the skin and went through the kidney I landed silently and caught the boy's body before he hit the ground In my bloody hands. His whole body was stiff his eyes wide open staring at me, a look of shock on his face. It looked as if he wanted to scream, but no sound came out. His body finally went limp.
I was born in Tenderloin, San Francisco, one of the most drug-infested neighborhoods in the whole city. From the moment I was born, my mother knew something was wrong. There was no way any one could have called me normal. She didn't like my eating habits much. I enjoyed raw steak more than ice cream. I had red pupils as well. What really gave her a scare was when my white hair started balding 2 weeks after it had come in it finally stopped leaving a strip of hair in the back. All this and she still loved me. I'd always think about how loving she where and tell myself that I'd never forget her. As long as I lived. I had no idea how wrong I was.
I grew up in this place where the air was heavy with smog. Where all you could ever smell was the marijuana smoke. But my mother, drug free herself, brought me up best she could. With out my father who had been shot on his way to the super market two months before I was born, my mother had a hard time bring me up but she tried as hard as she could.
I started walking really early, 2 months in fact, and by age four I could have run a marathon but I still hadn't spoken a word. When I finally did it was at age 7, and it wasn't because I was stupid.
I went through school years with out friends. And it didn't make me sad. I didn't feel sorry for myself. If anything, it hardened me. Pain wasn't a problem, anyone who tried to pick a fight with me would if they where lucky end up with just a few broken bones and I would feel bad after doing this. Emotional pain wasn't problem ether. Some one could walk up to me and scream every insult they knew at me, I wouldn't care. But most of the time, I was left alone by every one but my mother. And that was the way I liked it.
The first kid I ever beat up was a 3rd grader I was a kindergarten. His name was James, and for years to come I would remember him as the first kid I ever beet up. I would think of him and I would cry. The cycle of using physical violence to the extreme amount to solve bully problems started with him. In my mind he was the one who spoke inside my head, telling me not to hurt someone. The second kid who tried to hurt me wasn't so lucky. I did something to his spine and was paralyzed for life in the lower half of his body but even so, I would feel sympathy for James beyond any of the kids I had ever caused pain. James left the school the day he was beet up. He was also the only one to never tell me. This confused me greatly.
I was smart so I graduated and went to collage. One day, in my junior year, we were dissecting pigs. We where divided into 3 groups and each group got a pig. We had to find the heart, the liver and the large intestine by the end of class. We found the large intestine first. Then we found the liver. It wasn't all that great. Just a shapeless bloody hunk of meat. We were going to move on, but a kid named Josh stopped us. "Hey, I'll give 10 bucks to the person who eats some liver!" every one said something like, "Sick!" "That's disgusting!" or, "Hell no!" Every one but me.
I cut off a large chunk with my claw and tossed it in my mouth. My mouth exploded with flavor. It was so good! I had never tasted anything like this. I chewed and swallowed, put more in my mouth, chewed and swallowed.
I finished and looked up. Every one in the class was staring at me. "What are you looking at? You want me to eat your liver to?" They all knew me well enough to know I wasn't joking.
That night I was at my mother’s house helping her decorate for Christmas. She wasn't home yet, and I started craving what I consumed had earlier that day. I wanted more. No I needed more. Just then the dog Benjamin walked in the room.
I felt horrible. My dog's lifeless and mangled body lay at my feet. "He died quickly, he died quickly,” I repeated to myself. A tear trickled down my face. Followed by another, and within a minute I was sobbing. "Tom?" I stopped. "Tom? Is that you?" It was my mother. The knob turned and the door started opening. "Are you OK swe-" She had seen the dog.
Suddenly a feeling was building up inside me. I was angry. No, anger was nowhere near a strong enough word. It was beyond hate. I wanted to kill some one I looked at my mother. No! I couldn't kill her! She had done nothing but love me my whole life! Do it! Another voice inside me said. Just do it! The voices kept talking inside me each time they spoke their voices became more and more the same. Both of them giving me the desire to kill.
Across the street the neighbors heard a scream.
I was running. I didn't know where. I didn't know how long it would take. But I continued. I had destroyed everything had ever held dear. I wanted away. I wanted to die. I had nothing left to live for. I wanted to hide and never let anything see me again. It was too much. I stopped running spied a manhole, crawled down it, curled up in a ball and cried myself to sleep.
Images of my mother's body weaved their way into my dreams. Sometimes she was the mangled corpse lying in the doorway of the living room. Other times, she was the mother full of life. The one that now only lived inside my mind. I saw twisted forms of Benjamin barking at me. They melted away, replaced by my science teacher. "Don't worry," He said, "The liver is the only organ in the body that can regenerate and that's the one you eat!"
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" I shot up. My whole body was shaking and stiff, and I was sweating cold like mad. Breathing heavily I got up. My head was throbbing. I leaned up against the grimy dirt covered wall for support. I stood there for several minutes, catching my breath. There was a feeling at the bottom of my stomach. What was it? Wait. It was hunger. I was hungry. Really really hungry.
I climbed up the latter to the manhole and pushed up hard. A rush of cold air came to meat me. It felt great. I put both hands on ether side of the hole and swung my legs up. I ran towards a telephone poll, stuck my claws into the wood, and began to climb. All of my weight was on my fingers and arms. I reached the top and crouched there. Completely and perfectly balanced.
I closed my eyes and listened. Thud. Thud. Foot steps. By the sound of it an 8 year old. Maybe 50 pounds, and around 60 feet away. I kept my eyes closed. 50 feet... 40... 30... 15... five, four, three, two, NOW. I jumped with my claw pointing at a downward angle. It pierced the skin and went through the kidney I landed silently and caught the boy's body before he hit the ground. His whole body was stiff his eyes wide open staring at me, a look of shock on his face. It looked like he wanted to scream, but no sound came out. His body finally went limp.
I haled it back to the manhole and dropped it to the bottom. I jumped and landed next to it with a splash. I dragged him to the strip of sand where I had slept. I ripped him open and felt around his insides for his liver. My claws raped around it and brought it to my mouth.
I finished and pushed his lifeless form off the sand bar. He rolled in the water and floated away in the water. I stopped. What was I doing? I asked myself. Isn't this the very thing I had sworn to stop? Was this not the very thing that had caused me so much pain? And for the second time in the past 2 days, I cried myself to sleep.
When I woke it was hot and stuffy. I got up and stumbled to the latter. I lifted off the manhole and the boiling sweat that had covered my body turned ice cold. It was so refreshing. I surveyed my surrounding's. It was early morning; the only person in sight was a police officer. I walked up behind him and tapped him one the shoulder. He turned around and the last thing he saw was me looking at him and smiling.
This cycle continued: Me getting up, being hungry, killing someone eating his or her liver and crying myself to sleep. One night after eating I was beginning to cry, when I stopped. Why? Why do I cry? For what porpoise? I had not forgotten what sorrow was. I had merely forgotten why I was sorrowful, and from then on I continued killing and eating, but the crying ceased.
After a year of this different but kind of nice way of living I woke up somewhere around midnight with everything but y head under water. My hands where almost paper white, wrinkly, and extremely swollen from being underneath the sewage so long. I had started moving through the tunnels when the police were swarming in the place where I killed the first five people.
I stood up and made my way to the manhole cover. There was something strange about the air tonight. A smell was in the air. A smell that I hadn't taken in for a long time. That had been locked away in my memory. A smell that I hadn't smelled since Kindergarten.
Not positive what it was I made my way towards its source. I moved silently a block or two and there he was. Dressed in a police uniform. He looked nothing like he used to but it was him all right. It was James. For several seconds I stood there remembering that day so long ago. The day that I had changed my life forever the porch light turned on behind me, and I disappeared with the night.
I wanted to see him again but this time actually talk to him. I wanted to make contact with humans again. I didn't know why but something drew me to him. So I started stalking him. I lived in his shadow. Observing his every step.
I found that he had night shifts every other night. He lived in a small apartment with high ceilings. When he wasn't working he slept and stayed in his apartment. If I ever wanted to talk with him, it would have to be during his night shifts. The shifts started at nine-o-clock and ended at five AM. I didn't know what to expect. I really doubted that he'd be calm. He would probably try to shoot me on the spot, but I needed to try. So underneath the city I drew my plans for what I thought was good. But in reality it was the very thing that would end James like.
A minute passed. Another. My eyes reduced to glowing red slits on my face. Where was he? He was spoussed to be here 20 minutes ago! I was waiting on some ones roof at the cross streets of Jonathan and Smoky hill drive for James to show up. I was about to give up when the glare of his headlights turned the corner six blocks away he was coming down Jonathan Street. My plan was horrible and I knew it probably wouldn't work but there I was.
As he passed, I tipped an empty garbage can off the roof. With a sound like a canon James screeched to a stop. Cautiously He stepped out of his car, making his way towards the source of the sound.
I jumped down silently and made my way around him keeping my distance. When I was directly behind him I backed up to his car and opened the door as quietly as I could. By now James was at the trashcan looking at it and around him, trying to find out what had happened. I got into the passenger seat and with a claw cut the wire, connecting the speaking piece and the radio. Then I slid into the back seat directly behind the driver's trying to look as small as possible. James was making his way back to the car.
He opened the door and stepped in ducking as to not hit his head. He started the car and was beginning to drive when I placed my right hand claws out on his neck.
I leaned forward to the left of his seat "Hello James"
He remained calm, as if this was an every day thing. "Who are you and what do you want."
James drove several miles then turned on to the golden gate bridge going about 20 miles an hour. The speed limit on the bridge was 45 miles per an hour. With a jolt and the hum of thee engine increasing; the car was going 40 miles over the speed limit.
"What the hell are you doing!" I screamed.
"Kill me now and I lose control most likely sending this car off the edge of the bridge. The impact will kill you." James informed me lazily.
"Your crazy!"
A smile spread across his face. "Maybe I am... But by all means kill me!"
"I never wanted to kill you! I just wanted to talk!"
He seemed a little more interested. "Talk about what?"
"I want your forgiveness! It's me! Tom!" His neck turned cold. "I want to tell you every thing. I've been living under ground in the storm drain tunnels and it's been me killing all the people because-" He screamed.
A shrill, loud, and blood curdling scream. He opened the door and began scrambled out. "No! Wait!" I grabbed his arm. Franticly he snatched up the shotgun laying next to the drivers seat and holding it in one hand he fired. He missed me hitting the dash boar and window on the other side. Shards of plastic, mettle, and glass went flying. I let go as the shrapnel stuck into my arm.
As soon as my grip loosened he ran. I closed my eyes and leaned back on the seat. This had been a complete failure.
"AHHHH!" I screamed in frustration. He now knew who I was, where I lived, and that I was the murderer. In only a matter of seconds there would be cops swarming in this area. I got out of the car and made my way back to the manholes. I expected they wouldn't start searching there until morning.
After sleeping for maybe an hour I woke. I could smell James not far away in a car. I crawled up the latter and started pushing the manhole up. It was stuck. I heard James car stop. He was making his way towards this manhole. I pushed harder. He was now hovering over the manhole. I stopped. If I got it lose but didn't push it yet maybe I could kick it hard and knock the gun out of his hand and make a quick kill at his stomach.
I started turning it slowly and when it was finely almost just resting there I got ready to kick it when suddenly there was a crash. I stayed still for a few seconds. Then with all my force rammed my foot into the manhole cover.
It went up maybe 15 feet and landed with a loud crash. I stuck my head out. James lay sprawled in the road. Completely still. Blood was coming from his nose and mouth. His leg was twisted upward in a weird way that it shouldn't have been. Behind him a few yards. An SUV had run into the tree. I walked over to it and glanced in the window. Everyone was dead. I went back to James. He was probably on his way back to the police station to report what he wad seen. Or maybe he had just been there. I would soon find out.
I put James in his car to make it look like a crash. And put in a position to make it look possible. I left James liver alone and left the scene.
Every once and a while I would felt the same anger I had taken out on my mother. The anger that had led me to this life of killing. With this furious hate came terrible things. I would kill my victims in unnecessarily gruesome ways. I would kill them in the slowest and most painful way I could think of. There would be blood. Lots of blood. After these moments, I would feel horrible and stop eating for weeks at a time.
I did not find it inhumane to kill and eat. Did not the human kill cows for food, and they where not called freaks, and killers all over TV and the radio. I was no longer human. No I was something more. I was beyond what any human had ever become. I was now the superior race, and some times yes I did feel sorry for them. But always that pity was pushed aside for hunger. I must eat. Eat. Eat.
-End
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Toast
Nov. 27th, 2005 | 09:16 pm
God is speaking to us. Through toast.
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THIS IS MAGGIE
Nov. 26th, 2005 | 05:37 pm
mood: humphy
music: Me going lalalalalala
HAH! I am on Walker's livejournal. I can smell sausage sizzling. Hmmm(with four "m"'s actually)
Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are.
Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are.
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whoo
Nov. 15th, 2005 | 09:05 pm
You scored as Iorek the armored bear. Iorek is an armored bear who helps Lyra with her search for Dust. He is the King of the armored bears, and he also has to keep Lyra and Will safe, making him pretty weary at times. He is avengeing the death of his close friend, Lee Scoresby. He agreed to fix the subtle knife when it broke, but he never really thought that it was the right thing to do.
Which His Dark Materials character are you? created with QuizFarm.com |
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Bedtime story
Nov. 10th, 2005 | 03:49 pm
"Careful, honey, it's loaded," he said,
re-entering the bedroom.
Her back was rested against the headboard.
"This for your wife?"
"No. Too chancy. I'm hiring a
professional."
"How about me?"
He smirked. "Cute. But who'd be
dumb enough to hire a lady hit man?"
She wet her lips, sighting along
the barrel.
"Your wife."
re-entering the bedroom.
Her back was rested against the headboard.
"This for your wife?"
"No. Too chancy. I'm hiring a
professional."
"How about me?"
He smirked. "Cute. But who'd be
dumb enough to hire a lady hit man?"
She wet her lips, sighting along
the barrel.
"Your wife."
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I am what I am and that's all that I am!
Nov. 9th, 2005 | 05:55 pm
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the hidden depths
Nov. 2nd, 2005 | 05:22 pm
just a cool picture
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just because you feel it, doesn't mean it's there
Nov. 2nd, 2005 | 05:06 pm
wow
i got 63% on my math test, but so did every one else in my class so i feel no less stupid, but better on the note that i beat over half the kids in the class. so what this all means: you dont have to out run the killer. you just have to out run the others being chased.
i got 63% on my math test, but so did every one else in my class so i feel no less stupid, but better on the note that i beat over half the kids in the class. so what this all means: you dont have to out run the killer. you just have to out run the others being chased.
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i got it
Oct. 28th, 2005 | 04:52 pm
i now have all my many halloween costumes. yeah. there's more than one. the more costumes you have: the more candy! YAY! I got these awsome fangs. and this mask that bleeds. yeah. and hair spray.
this whole week end i've been on the computer. i feel like adam. he's a nerd.
this whole week end i've been on the computer. i feel like adam. he's a nerd.
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wow agian
Oct. 22nd, 2005 | 10:44 am
well thats nothing